Yesterday something big happened. It was one of those things that once said can't be taken back. I was hurt and angry when it happened. I don't want to go into details but a relationship has been damaged. (NOTE: It's not Jim.)
Here are my questions:
1. When you find out that things aren't what you believed to be but just about the polar opposite how do you respond to 'normal' activity thereafter?
2. Do you try to forgive when they don't think they've done anything wrong? Is character - true colors? - a forgivable thing or is it just something you have to learn to accept once you know it?
3. As I look back on more than 20 years, do I need to examine each encounter or should I leave each as what I felt it was then?
For more than 20 years I believed that the relationship was one that was growing and being made stronger by both of us. Trust has been slashed and stomped on. I'm not sure about love: at very least it's not the love I thought. I am feeling used and a little bit stupid.
I like knowing where I stand with people - good or bad - so I can't put the appropriate level of trust into that relationship. I don't know where that is right now. I know how I want to feel about the relationship I want to have. I now think I know what they want and it isn't where I want to go.
How do I resolve this in my heart?
When I had that run-in with that nasty woman in the ward last year and then found I had to develop loving stewardship with her soon after, I had a tough time.
ReplyDeleteA year later, we're on fine terms. I meet her as I see her--if she's disposed to be polite and cheery then I have a disposition that can let sleeping dogs lie. We're not going to ever be bestest friends and I don't really trust her but I can be concerned for her and wish for her welfare and get along in a superficial sort of way. I try not to see any of it as a reflection on me personally.
Does that help?
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but I expect this is one of those situations where there are no easy answers. I will say for question #3 though, don't rehash everything that has happened in the past. Trying to understand what has happened and how to reinterpret everything will probably drive you insane--so just don't think about it, don't let yourself go there. You don't necessarily have that luxury with the current situation, you probably have to deal with that head-on, and that is enough without analyzing everything that has happened for 20 years.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, you are completely awesome. It is this other person's loss.
Thanks for the support and encouragement. I'm not sure if it will get better but am fairly certain it will get worse before it can heal if that's possible. I think you are right, rehashing will just cause me to lose more of my mind. I'll stick closer to those people that have proven themselves good friends. Thanks!
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