Clown Car

There are lots of things that doctors fail to tell you when you are having 'work' done. I have come up with a handy list of questions I'm going to use if I ever find myself in the position of needing surgery again:

1. Will you be pulling anything akin to a dozen clowns out of a bodily cavity? (answer: Yes.)

2. When I eat for the first time will I be stunned for any reason? (answer: Yes, your eyes will bleed and, as in every apocolyptic movie, you will die shortly thereafter...dramatically.)

3. Will there be swelling? (answer: Yes, you will feel like you are drowning because of said swelling so be sure to stay awake for the first 24 hours. See above for potential outcome.)

4. Any unexpected side effects? (answer: Yes, you won't be able to see well or wear your glasses since you have a cast so forget about catching up on any reading.)

5. Will I be able to rest? (answer: No. You have children, they don't make enough drugs for this)

6. What will it/I smell like? (answer: You don't want to know.)

7. When will I feel normal again? (answer: HA! HA! HA! (tear wiping involved) HA!)

I'm sure I will feel normal again but for now I will sniff and try not to gag.